Research has found that preparing ones own obituary can often prove to be therapeutic, not only for the individual, but for the family as well. By drafting the obituary in advance, the family can often begin to come to terms with the pending death and help begin to process the emotions which will ensue.
It can also be a sense of pride for the individual and their family to look back on the accomplishments of a life. Too often, obituaries are drafted by family members hastily in an effort to finalize all the arrangements. Although they have good intentions, the obituaries read as generic recaps of life, blending in with all the others appearing in the newspaper. Many times, the family leaves this task to the funeral director, who may never have known the individual and only had sketchy biographical information to go on.
Everyone's life story, no matter how seemingly simple, is worth telling. We find that families who initially think there is not much to say are surprised to see how much there is to tell about their loved one if given time to think about it. An obituary need not be overly long or verbose to be meaningful.
The “body” of a standard obituary is normally limited to 100 words. If a funeral home submits an obituary of greater length, the obituary editor will condense the text. If a person was of special statewide or local prominence, an editor may allow the obituary to exceed that length if newsworthy information would otherwise be omitted.
The lead paragraph of every obituary should include the following:
Name and age – Full given name, nickname in quotes if applicable, middle name or initial, maiden name in parentheses if applicable, last name, age. Editors should include a military title if requested, even for those long retired.
Address – Last address or address before admission to health care facility, followed by date and place of death.
Cause of death – If included, this can be general or specific according to the wishes of the family and funeral home – “after a long illness” or “after a long battle with lung cancer” – but under no circumstance will inaccurate information be printed.
The second paragraph should include the deceased’s date and place of birth. It may include parents’ names, whether alive or not.The next paragraphs – which are limited to 100 words in total – must be edited tightly to describe the most memorable aspects of a person’s life in succinct fashion.
This section of an obituary will often include schools, jobs, military service, places of residence, affiliations and volunteer activities, or retirement information. When possible, events or accomplishments should be listed in chronological order.
A brief personal description of the deceased may be included in this section. This would be something beyond the usual “resume” described above. If the details are in good taste, these sentences can include nearly anything a family wishes. “Mr. Smith was an expert at tying trout flies.” “Miss Chagnon spent countless hours visiting shut-ins and volunteering at the Rochester soup kitchen.” “No one made fish chowder quite like ‘Grammie Kay,’ as she was known to her whole neighborhood.”
In the final paragraphs of a standard obituary, immediate family members should be identified. (These paragraphs are not included in the 100-word limit.)
Surviving family members should be identified in the following order: spouse; children; grandchildren and great-grandchildren; parents; grandparents; siblings; aunts and uncles; cousins; nieces and nephews; common-law spouse, fiance or fiancee, or other companion. Include military titles if available.
Only the following family members are to be identified by first and last name and hometown: spouse; children; parents; grandparents; siblings; common-law spouse, fiance or fiancee, or other companion. (An exception may be made to this rule when the family is very small, when no immediate family members are living; or when an extended family member or friend was a dependent or the primary caregiver.)
Stepchildren, stepparents and stepsiblings should be fully identified and listed immediately after full children, parents or siblings.Deceased spouses and children may be named in this section. Other deceased relatives may not.
Ex-spouses should be listed in a separate paragraph if the family so wishes.
